Seriously though... Srslythough @ gmail dot com.

“You’re robot and penguin looked exactly the same.”

 ”Did you get video of me frisking your uncle?”

“The stitches?  Oh, I hit him with a frying pan.  Newlywed or not, he got out of line.”

My aunt: Can you stir the beans?  Go deep.

Me and my cousin, simultaneously: That’s what she said.